Being away from family members make everything very difficult, and for me that means being away from my dad. Right now he’s the only person who lives with me back home, and he’s not doing well. When I made my decision to study abroad I had in mind that someone would take care of him. Especially because he is a patient with leukemia and isn’t very strong nowadays. So, I left with him having someone with him at all times. It’s not happening like I planned for it, he’s alone right now and getting sick often. While I have been abroad I talk to him almost everyday to just check up on him and things aren’t so great.
For the past couple of days as I talk to him, he’s been feeling very sick and weak. The problem is I’m not there to help him and nor is the person that was going to take care of him.This is starting to make me worry and I’m feeling like I need to be with him to help him out. It’s not good to hear from the person you take care of, in a bad position physically and in health. It worries me that something could happen to him, and I won’t be there to help him. The only thing that I’ve been able to do is check up on him on the phone, and have friends visit him on their free time.
The worst part is just knowing I’m so far away and can’t do anything. I have been speaking to professors and faculty members to see what can be done, for me to finish the semester earlier. A couple of the professors have written that they can help by assigning me more projects to send-in online. Even so, I’m still waiting for confirmation from some professors to see what can be done. All of this happening was one of my major worries when I chose to study abroad, and now it’s like a nightmare. And the thing is, it’s happening to me in real life. I can’t help but feel pure sadness with all of it, and I hold back my tears from everyone. And make myself seem like everything is okay.
This journal is a much more personal one than usual, but it’s what has been on my mind for the past few days. The fact is, I’m just venting all of anxiousness and sadness onto written material to help unload. In these moments I’m very afraid for my dad’s well being, but hopefully he’ll be okay and nothing too bad is happening. To be truthful, this whole study abroad has been an emotional rollercoaster, and I have been sad to happy a lot lately. Sometimes I just wish to be home again, and be able to be there for the ones I care for. But in the end, I did this for my future, and I’ll be the one who makes sure I finish what I started.