I have been experiencing the constant judgment of myself from myself. I say this because when the program first began, I felt very happy with myself in this new environment; however, now that it has been two months into the program, I have been putting myself down quite a bit without actual reason why I should be. I suppose it is a mixture of things like feeling somewhat homesick, not being around people you know that love you for being you, and everyone in the program comes from a variety of educational levels and experiences.
I don’t seem to always make sense or have my thoughts completely put together due to that fact that I am so nervous about how people may view me, which I think just makes it more difficult for me to really put out my thoughts into comprehensible opinions. I think that I am often misunderstood because sometimes I like to shed light on reality or a side that people may not have always see or considered and so people may have the wrong perception of me.
I feel that I should probably stop getting down on myself so much because it is sort of taking a toll on me. I need to remember that people come from different walks of life and so everyone has something different to bring to the table. Even with that in mind, I still keep seeing myself as not as comparable in terms of intelligence with my fellow colleagues. This is another challenge I am currently and consistently struggling and battling with. Until next time!
Sorry I a little all over the place, but then again, this is a journal. :)