Context: This was my last day in Florence, Italy. I decided to have a picnic with myself in a beautiful garden that had a nice view of the Duomo. I dressed nice, bought pizza and simply wrote and enjoy my company. This is what I wrote in my diary in that day:
I cry for what I lived, for what I didn’t live, and for the way I lived it. I truly only appreciate what didn’t happen and what did happen. It’s difficult for me to express myself with words because I feel that everything remains in my thoughts, and it’s hard to choose the right words to describe all that I feel. I cry my eyes out when I see the dome of the Duomo and realize that I brought myself here with my own effort, sweat, money, and work. I wish I could go back and simply tell my past self who worried every day about getting the money or not that we made it. We made it! We are great, strong, and unstoppable!
I loved this experience. Obviously, it had its ups and downs, but I learned something new all the time. Yesterday, someone asked me what I liked and disliked the most, and here’s my response:
What I liked: Venturing out, putting myself in situations I never imagined being in, and seeing how I reacted. Finding myself, knowing my preferences, firmly believing in what I believe and not deviating from my principles and who I am. Getting lost (literally) and being helped by different people that God put on my path.
Living and feeling with passion, crying because I felt uncomfortable the first weeks. Immersing myself in two completely different cultures (American and Italian (because I´m Mexican) and adapting to them because I had no other option. Meeting certain people who made my stay in Florence or the different cities I traveled to more enjoyable. I really enjoyed traveling to places that I could only imagine or see in movies because they are very expensive.
What I didn’t like: Roommates – the fact that we didn’t connect much. I understand that we had different personalities and that connections cannot be forced. I know deep down they are good people, and each one has their qualities. Perhaps the problem is that I want everyone to fit my expectations, but I have to understand that all the people I meet, no matter their background, country, or personality, will be different, and I just have to accept that without judging.
I want to keep traveling the world, seeing more cultures, people, places, and also getting to know myself. This experience proved to me that it only takes a lot of effort to achieve what I set out to do. I want to be grateful for this first experience on my own for a lifetime. I’ll never take it for granted. I want to be ambitious but not to the point of taking things for granted and not being thankful. I discovered that I love being in touch with nature, being myself without pretending, and laughing. I hope to do that anywhere in the world I find myself living.
I learned to write what I think without seeking perfection. Sometimes that’s what held me back from doing certain things like posting photos, writing, or making videos. Perfection doesn’t really exist, and it’s not real. Anyway, thank you, Meli, for being you, for being so brave. Believing in yourself, or pretending to believe in yourself, haha. I love you, Meli, at twenty years old. I hope to see you in more adventures and write about them.
With love, Meli.