Warning: my brain is a muddled mess at this time, and I’m sure this blog post will reflect that. I will be using this platform to word-vomit today, as I think my mind needs a good cleaning.
I was extensively pondering my internship yesterday, and I’ve come to a realisation: I’m not meant for this job, and that’s okay. Throughout journeys like these, you learn not only skills linked to a specific career, but you learn about yourself as well. As I continue to grow and experience, I become more in touch with the type of person I am and what I want my life to consist of. When I simplify things, it comes down to this: I have one life. That’s it. I have one life and it’s mine to live, so I’m going to do that in ways that make me happiest.
With my prior work experience and the current one, I’ve learned that professionalism isn’t really my thing. Now, I can be professional when needed, and that is what’s needed of me right now. I will continue do my job as necessary because I chose to do this. I chose to be an intern at an art gallery and I will carry out my position to the best of my abilities. I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but I adapt well and I am good at my job. I like being good at my job, so I work hard.
Anyway, I went into this knowing that it would be a learning experience, almost an experiment of sorts. I knew this wasn’t my dream job, and that’s because I don’t have one at the moment. To be honest, my whole life has been an experiment. I was never one of those kids who grew up with an end goal in mind, whether that to be a star football player or a brain surgeon. I had too many interests, too many directions I wanted to explore. And that’s what I’ve been doing for as long as I can remember: exploring.
Now, going back to professionalism, it’s not the way I want to live my only life. I am a silly human being and I say/do things that could be deemed “unprofessional.” I have tattoos. I have piercings. I have them because I want them and there’s no other explanation needed. I wanted to do something in my life, so I did. People have said, “Oh, what if you don’t get a job because of those?” Well then I don’t want that job. I don’t want anything that makes me a lesser version of me, something that holds me back and waters me down. I am me and you are you, and we are responsible for ourselves.
Of course, I may change again over time and have a strong desire to be a lawyer or a CEO, and I’ll direct myself towards that if it will make me happy. But as of now, I want a life where I can be unapologetically myself without repercussions. This may make me appear as this crazy loose canon who spirals out of control every other day. That’s not the case, I truly just want a fun and joyful life that isn’t primarily focused on working, but more so living.
